There aren’t any decent single men in New York City. This is what everybody says to us. When Deanna* relocated to the city near the end of 2021 She was the next to determine if there was any truth in the claim. After being single for the first time since the boyfriend she had been with for three years separated from her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was during this time that a private Facebook group known as Do we Dating The Same Guy NYC became a suggested follow. The group had a very thorough preliminary screening survey and community guidelines that served as a barrier to entry. It had four-and-a-half million members strong. Deanna was interested, and she enrolled.
The community
The community was created with the sole purpose to help women determine if their potential partners were dating others – was founded in March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city currently has a similar forum and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or posting sensitive information, and under no circumstances can screenshots be deleted from the group. No bullying, no victim blaming and no hate speech. Never tell a man he’s been added to the group.At site datingfortodaysman from Our Articles Following the scandal on the heels of West Elm Caleb, one man with whom a number of women from New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections online, it seemed that a lot of women were in the market for a method of sifting out similar men to him. A TikTok user said about the situation This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is, in fact, the way this group was by the time Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a location for women who are seeking romance advice or advise men whom they’ve had unpleasant dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, being a method of emailing other women to attract them on social media, has also become a norm. It’s all too easy to slip into a rabbit in the midst of screen-shot Hinge profiles, stories of a failed hookup, and memes about the perils of modern dating. A lot of the most popular posts contain photos of a person with his initials, requesting the question of whether anyone has been matched to or been a date with the person in question. Red flag emojis are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts warning the group of an ex or a bad date usually accompanied by the downward arrow, and the terrifying text See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our dating options in recent times A recent study revealing that almost 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their loved ones online. So it’s only natural the romance element that involves social interaction could be adapted to the modern age. Instead of having a conversation with some of our friends at a bar or discussing issues with coworkers, we are now seeking advice from 43,000 women with similar – and in some cases almost identical experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie an additional group member. Not to say that there aren’t rights that are available however, it was useful for me to reconsider my perspective on dating. There’s nothing to do among women. It’s instead holding males to a higher quality than I did before.
It’s not lost on me that certain of the behaviors that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be alarming if it was displayed by prospective suitors. Images, the details of private chats, and screenshots uploaded without the approval of the other party or knowledge are abundant. People look through social media profiles on a daily basis. In fact, it’s very easy for a date to get called hot. Even though Deanna likes being a part of the group, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she admits. But I’m afraid you’ll run into the problem where it’s like an echo chamber of ‘Men have kept pushing us for a long time, we’re willing to give it back.
We still live in a patriarchal society
Our society is still an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal, these online interactions will generate different reactions based on the culture of each individual. In the end, could a group like this truly be committed to empowering itself on one side of the coin and reprehensible to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? The same guy is hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for those who live and date in the area the group is based in. The women, and the people they blog about could be your next-door neighbor as well as a coworker, friend family member, or the most current Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization that comes with operating on the internet, which makes it feel like being a game. It’s not an unreasonable idea to suggest that this is an insult to the dates in both groups-especially when the details about private interactions, conversations and even photos can be shared without knowing or consent, usually just for the sake of entertainment.